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When the triangle consists of son-wife-mother, the narcissistic mother’s control in her son’s marriage is bound to create marital problems for him and his wife.
This triangle indicates that there are two women vying for one man. Conflicts increase over time and allegiances are strained.
When the narcissistic mother has dug her claws into her dependent son you can pretty much bet there are underlying marital problems in the mother’s marriage to her husband.
What will often happen is the narcissistic mother and her husband get to ‘avoid’ dealing with their marital problems by getting over-involved in other activities and people. For her husband it might be over-work, another woman, or simply emotional withdrawal.
Of course this kind of emotional arrangement can get pretty complicated when her son’s wife is trying to get her mother-in-law’s ‘love.’ A lot of people are psychologically immature when they get married and try to compensate for what they didn’t get in childhood (love) now from their spouse’s family. Problem is, it’s bound to be disappointing when your mother-in-law is narcissistic.
Number one, she has little or nothing to give, and number two, you (wife) are the competitor (in her mind at least) for her son’s adoration and affections.
She is really only thinking of her own needs and not the needs of her son or her daughter-in-law for that matter.